Finding your True North

“In the waves of change, we find our direction.” ~ unknown

I’m not a scientist, and I don’t know the exact value of “true north,” but to me it means in life’s journey, we are often uncertain where we stand, where we are going, and what is the right path for us personally. To know our “true north” enables us to follow the right path. The path that feels right, that is sometimes scary, but in the end, we know that “true north” will get us back to essentially who we are inside.

Whenever I feel anxious about where I am in life or if my life is on a path that is in line with my values, I think of my true north. My true north is where I’m from (ironically for me, it is actually very, very north in Northern Minnesota), where when I return there I feel home, I feel safe, I feel secure. I know that my roots are there, my family is from there. It is where my identity comes from.

My “second bird”, aka second child, aka Lauren, is just a few months away from leaving her very own “true north”, which is not northern Minnesota, nor is it Johns Creek or Suwanee, GA, where we as her parents have lived for the past 14 years. Lauren’s true north I believe is Athens, Georgia.

It was in Athens, Georgia, where she found out who she really is. What she is passionate about. Who she really loves. Who her true friends are. Where her identity has been discovered. So, what happens when you leave your “true north?”
She is struggling with letting Athens go and venturing forward to the “actual North” of State College, PA, where she will attain her Phd at Penn State beginning in August. She wants to let go and fly, yet doesn’t want to leave. She is ready, and yet she is sad. She wants to go tomorrow, but yet she doesn’t. Have you ever felt that way? Can you relate to that conflict?

Some of us have lived in the same place all our lives. Some of us have moved all over the United States, and some even the world. Can you identify what is your “true north?” Where is it that you can go back to in your heart, your mind, your soul, that helps you maintain your authentic self, despite your surroundings?
I believe it is a gift to have a “true north.” A place that changes, but then it doesn’t. New buildings, new roads, but then the same roads, the same buildings, that will always remain as if in a monument to our memories. So, for my conflicted daughter, who is struggling with leaving deep friendships, a town she loves more than anyplace on earth, a place where she has found herself, grown, thrived, made a difference, I totally get her pain and anxiety.

But despite the anxiety and pain, the excitement and the uncertain of leaving, the beauty of having a true north is that no matter where you go, no matter what you do, whether you thrive, fail, stay, leave, or a combination of all, you know that you can always go back to your home, your compass, your true north, and there you will see yourself, in all your pieces and all your journeys, and know that there is a solid place, a foundation, that has made you who you are.

For me, it is Duluth, MN. It is where I transformed from an anxious pre-teen in a new city to a college graduate, meeting my life’s partner. A place where I made mistakes, did good things, and left changed. It remains a place where when I return, I see where I’ve come from and where I’ve been, and the enormous impact that place has had on my life. It makes me reflect on the journey of my life, the twists and turns, and no matter where I go, that is home. That is my “true north.”

For my daughter, Lauren, you have gift, darling daughter. You have that place. You have it forever. Take it with you, hold it in your heart, all your friends, your memories, your challenges, and your personal growth. No one and no place can take that from you.

Do you know your “true north?” What does it mean to you? How has it helped you? I’d love to hear.

A Long Way from Happy Meals

Tomorrow is graduation day and the last day of school for kids in my school district. While I don’t have anyone moving on from Kindergarten to first grade, 5^th grade to middle school, 8^th grade to high school, or even high school on to college, I can relate to all of the excitement, emotions, pride, and anxiety that many of my friends and family are feeling.

Two weeks ago, my oldest son graduated from medical school, with honors. It was an incredible day full of happiness, astonishment, and celebration. My parents came from northern Minnesota; my sister came from Michigan, leaving her own kids behind, with a 5^th grade daughter whom she left in the care of her sister-in-law to attend the Mother-Daughter tea. I realize and deeply appreciate the sacrifice she made, because even though I’ve been down the 5^th grade graduation road before, three times, I remember the spirit of the moment and the remarkable realization of how quickly time truly passes. And I don’t underestimate its power.

 While my parents were visiting, my mom enjoyed telling a story of a time when she and my Dad were babysitting my kids while my husband and I got to go on a company-paid trip to somewhere really nice. (Don’t remember exactly where). She and my Dad took the kids to McDonald’s, which is something we did on special occasions, and told them that they could get Happy Meals. She recalls them holding hands, jumping up and down, so excited…saying “We get Happy Meals! We get Happy Meals!” Ah, the simple joys of childhood. You see, when our kids were little, we didn’t go to McDonald’s often, (number one because it was bad for you, and number two, because we didn’t have a lot of extra money). But when we did go, they didn’t always get a Happy Meal. Many times they split a cheeseburger and fries. As a practical mother on a budget, I knew they wouldn’t eat an entire meal themselves, so what’s the big deal, right? And so it went.

Throughout their formative years, my husband and I made a lot of decisions on behalf of our kids, like where to buy a home. We always bought a home in the best school district available in the best house we could afford. Though we sometimes struggled, the kids and their opportunities always came first.

As they grew and our income grew, things got a little bit easier. But as you with children know, the bigger the kids get, the more money you need! So we made it happen. I got a part-time job, working out of my home so I could be there for the kids after school. It’s been a great experience for me. I’ve loved what I’ve learned as an editor and proofreader, and have treasured the flexibility I’ve had to be there when the family needed me.

 Well, now my family is mostly launched. I say mostly. My oldest son, the doctor, just recently came down with yet another case of strep throat. Even though he’s 25 years old, I still wanted to care for him, wanted to make sure he got the medicine he needed  so he was well enough to take a much anticipated graduation golf trip with his dad. I worry what it means to have strep throat 4 times in 5 years. My daughter still calls me regularly to talk over what’s going on in her graduate studies, when will she be able to finish, how will she write her thesis, what will be her next steps, and how effective is her work. My youngest son, though he doesn’t call that much for advice, being the independent third child that he most truly is, lets me know when he needs something. Mostly money! Hate to say it, but the adage is true….

So as I look back and remember my little children getting excited over Happy Meals, I also see them excited about their own individual accomplishments, fulfilled with a little help from Mom and Dad, but mostly on their own.

Parents, let your kids work for their grades. Let them work for their education. Let them work for their further education. Don’t give handouts. Don’t cheat them out of the experience of learning for themselves that a Happy Meal is a big deal, that graduating is a big deal, that scoring that goal is a big deal, that winning that tournament is a big deal, that moving from one school to the next and reflecting on their past accomplishments is a big deal.

As an adult, we know and appreciate our pasts. We learn about ourselves from the stories our parents and grandparents tell us. We see that the paths that we chose and those that were laid out for us led us to where we are today. Let your kids carve out their niche, so one day they can look back and say “it was the little things that mattered.” It was the special occasions and celebrations, and family time and friends that brought them to where they are today. It was the special treats that their grandparents gave them. May they never forget the Happy Meals on their journeys to where they are meant to go. That steak and lobster dinner waiting for them will mean a lot more.